


A Presumptuous Proposal

by larkscope



Category: Pride and Prejudice & Related Fandoms, Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Elizabeth Bennet/Fitzwilliam Darcy HEA, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-13 00:30:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11173227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larkscope/pseuds/larkscope
Summary: Hunsford goes rather differently (and more humorously) when Elizabeth receives a proposal more presumptuous and precipitous than any she imaged a gentleman would make to a lady.





	1. The Folly of Presumption

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this about a year ago on A Happy Assembly. Now that I've posted a different fic on this site, I thought I'd add this older one. Aside from a few small grammar and word changes, the main fic is the same as the one posted on AHA. Since on that site people asked for the story to be continued, I have made it into a two-shot; it won't be expanded beyond this.

“You must allow me to tell you how ardently I love you. Please end my suffering and consent to be my wife.”

Elizabeth stared, colored, and doubted. Her hesitation he took as confirmation and so stood up from bended knee, walked forward, grabbed her head between his hands, and kissed her as ardently as he had professed to love her. After the initial shock wore off, Elizabeth was able to act. She jerked her head away and slapped the man as hard as she could, but before she could tell him exactly what she thought of his presumptuous behavior, another man burst into the room from where he had been watching them from the hallway and shouted, “Get your hands off my future wife!” 

The two failed lovers turned in shock to the man who had intruded into their embarrassing scene and then looked back at each other. “You agreed to be my wife while secretly engaged to him?! How could you?” the first man yelled, feeling all the sting of betrayal.

“I agreed to no such thing,” cried Elizabeth, looking frantically between the two men, “to either of you!” Both men stepped back in surprise at her vehemence. “You, Colonel, proposed and then before I could give you my answer had the presumptuous arrogance to grab me and kiss me!” She turned to the other man, “And you, Mr. Darcy, why you have never even proposed to me so I do not know how you can think I am to be your wife!”

At first, neither knew what to say in light of these revelations, but the Colonel, being an active man used to commanding others said, “Well, as I proposed first and we have kissed, clearly mine is the proposal that will be accepted.”

This angered Darcy, who burst out, “But I have known her longer, and I love her and can give her Pemberley, so clearly mine is the proposal that will be accepted.”

Elizabeth started laughing and the two men turned from yelling at each other to staring at her with no little amount of incredulous indignation as they wondered how she could make light of their plight. “Excuse me, but you both look like little boys fighting over a toy instead of grown men.” As she said that her face began to lose all signs of humor. “And that is precisely the problem: I am not a toy! The unmitigated gall of the both of you is astonishing! Colonel, we have known each other but three weeks and only really been in company for two of those weeks. How on earth could you think to propose to me so soon? And when you just yesterday warned me off, saying that you had to marry a fortune! I do not love you. I cannot marry you. Had you properly courted me I may have been able to learn to love you, but after such an exhibition as this I have lost what esteem I had for you.” By the end of her speech the Colonel’s heart had begun to sting as sharply as his face did from her slap.

While Elizabeth was sternly scolding the Colonel like the little boy he was, Darcy started to smile, feeling safe in his suit, at least until Elizabeth turned to him. “And you, Mr. Darcy, how can you even think of marrying me? We do not even like each other. I have always believed that if I could not marry for love, I would at least marry a man I esteemed and admired, but I can only be disgusted with your rude manners and cruel treatment of others.”

“Not like each other? What on earth are you talking about? We have been courting these two weeks. You have been flirting with me!”

“Mr. Darcy, I have never sought your good opinion and so most certainly have never flirted with you. How could you mistake set downs for flirtation? How could you think to court me without even asking for my permission to do so? I may not have the experience of which some women can boast, but I am fairly certain that courting does not entail staring at the object of your supposed affection in disapproval while almost never opening your mouth to speak, except when occasionally asking odd questions.”

“My attentions have been most marked! It is not my fault you have been willfully ignorant of them for some perverse reasoning of your own.” 

“A lady does not generally think she will be courted when the man calls her not handsome enough to tempt her, constantly argues with her, and holds her family in contempt! I care not for your Pemberley. Such a large estate cannot make up for the implacable resentment you continually have for others you deem beneath you. Do you think anything could tempt me to accept the man who has ruined, perhaps forever, the happiness of a most beloved sister?”

Ignoring the accusations which he was not ready to admit might be true, Darcy retaliated, “Yes, your mother must indeed be disappointed to lose such a fortune as Bingley’s.”

“My sister is heartbroken! She cared nothing for his fortune. What does my mother have to do with it?”

“I watched them, most carefully, and while Bingley’s regard for your sister was obvious, her opinion of him was not. She smiled and was polite, but showed no particular happiness to be in his company. Your mother, on the other hand, was most voluble in her enthusiasm for the match and spoke of it as a certainty. It was clear she would make your sister accept Bingley whether she liked him or not.”“Jane is shy and modest! Just because she is not forward does not mean she does not feel deeply. She loves Bingley! And she would never accept a man she did not love, and my father would support her decision to refuse an offer as he has me!”

Grudgingly, Darcy said, “While I cannot be sorry for my actions at the time as they were done in the service of a friend, I do apologize for my mistaken assumptions.” After a slight pause, he continued, “I trust I can now be acquitted of cruelty as I was only attempting to save my friend from a loveless marriage.”

Elizabeth thought it injudicious, but felt such a strong urge to state it she blurted out, “Had that been your only offense perhaps I could.”

“Of what further acts have you to accuse me?!” Darcy was indignant.

“You had not been in Hertfordshire a month before it was obvious you were the most arrogant and conceited man I had ever met. Your disdain for all the inhabitants of Meryton, who had tried to welcome your entire party to the neighborhood most warmly, was painfully obvious to all as you could barely maintain civility in anyone’s presence. Had that not been enough, your character was further fixed by the account of Mr. Wickham and your cruel treatment of him. How can you defend yourself against that, Mr. Darcy?”

While the Colonel was happy to let his lady cure Darcy of his regard for her, he began to feel the danger in being forgotten, so interjected, “Miss Bennet I can assure you Mr. Wickham is nothing more than a liar, a scoundrel, and a degenerate seducer of the lowest order. Darcy may have many faults, but he has never been unfair or even cruel to Wickham. It is quite the opposite in fact.”

“Thank you, Fitzwilliam,” Darcy replied dryly. 

From there the tables turned on Elizabeth as she listened to the two men relate the story of their dealings with Mr. Wickham. By the time the two had finished speaking of their ward Miss Darcy, Elizabeth was pale.

“Miss Bennet are you well?” Darcy asked with real concern.

She cried out, “Oh, what a fool I have been! Had I been in love I could not have been more blind. For the insult from one man I chose to see his every action in the worst possible light, and for the flattery of another I gullibly listened to everything he said as fact. And he told me his tale of woe so shortly after our acquaintance. How did I not see the impropriety of it?! The unlikeliness?” By now, Elizabeth had lost her sense of self righteous indignation as well as much of her energy. In a quiet voice she added, “I never knew I was so vain.”

Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam uneasily shifted from foot to foot. Elizabeth’s demeanor had changed so abruptly from anger to sadness that the contrast was striking. Finally, Mr. Darcy said, “Please, Miss Bennet, do not trouble yourself so. Mr. Wickham has fooled many, including my entire family. He is well versed in the arts of deception. He includes just enough truth in his lies to make them believable. And it would appear my own behavior in your home county only served to reinforce his lies.”

“You may have acted haughty in company, but you did not act dishonorably.” As neither gentleman had anything to say that could make her feel better and indeed as she did not wish to feel better, but rather to fully feel the results of her own arrogance and abominable pride in her self-congratulatory habit of discerning the characters of others, she entreated them, “Please, gentleman, I am developing a rather severe headache. Would you please leave me be?” 

Shame faced and sheepish, they took their leave, wishing her a speedy recovery. As they were walking out of the room, Darcy turned and added, “God bless you.” 

On their awkward walk back to Rosings, Colonel Fitzwilliam broke the silence, “Who do you think she refused before us?” 

At that moment, Lady Catherine’s carriage drove by as it returned the parsonage party to Hunsford and the men were accosted by the awkward sight of Mr. Collins trying to genuflect to them whilst sitting in a moving vehicle. As realization dawned upon Darcy, a horrific look creeped over his face and he groaned, “No!” He had not thought anything more could add to his mortification.


	2. A Communion of Love

Some months later…

As they walked back towards Longbourne, Darcy sighed disappointedly. This made Elizabeth worry, for their engagement was so new the banns had yet to be read. “What is wrong Mr. Darcy?”

“I wish I had been your first kiss.”

“You were,” she earnestly stated.

“Elizabeth, I saw him kiss you,” Darcy gruffly replied.

“I would not call that a kiss. Having one’s face mashed between another’s hands and their lips unceremoniously thrust upon yours is not a kiss. No, sir, my experience may be limited, but I believe a kiss to be a communion of love between two persons.”

At this, Darcy’s eye lit up and he could not but agree with her, smiling as he said, “Indeed.”

“Fitzwilliam, you are the first and last person I shall ever kiss in a romantic way.”

“And do you plan on kissing all of our friends in a non-romantic way, Elizabeth?” Darcy teased.

“No, but I do plan on kissing our children every day. As they will be born in love, so should they receive love all the days of their lives.”

Stopping their walk by turning to her and gently cradling her face in his hands, Darcy huskily said, “You provoke me, madam,” and tenderly brushed his lips with hers. A jealous man, he intended on making the kiss everything her encounter with the Colonel had not been, as well as a delicious prelude to the delights they would enjoy in the marriage bed.


End file.
